...have a tendency to beat up on myself...what a jerk I am for doing that...just kidding...
...seriously, though, Amy Weintraub said something about how we tend to say horrible things to ourselves that we’d never think of saying to a friend or family member or, really, anybody...and it’s true...if you were eating breakfast at my house, I would not call you a stupid fucking asshole for spilling a little bit of soymilk on my crummy easy chair that should’ve been thrown in the dumpster months ago, anyway...but when I do it?...bring on the foul mouthed Grand Inquisitor...
...I can work with maximum security prisoners and have little problem seeing beyond armed robberies, rapes, and murders...really...but if I’m too lazy to do anything productive all afternoon...or blow it with that kind, smart, beautiful woman who seemed like she wanted to get to know me better...or fail to put up a blog post for nearly a week (seriously...the last one was on Thursday, and today's Wednesday, for chrissake...)...here come the thumbscrews, the rack, the guillotine...
...and yet, sometimes, even I get a reprieve...like forgetting my mom’s birthday, which, as it turns out, is today....a few hours ago my brother called and mentioned it...mid-afternoon, still an acceptable time to call up and let her know I’m taking her out to dinner tonight...so, instead of beating myself up, for this evening, I get to enjoy a nice dinner out with mom...it’s all good...for now...
18 comments:
When I saw that title on my blogroll, I thought, "Who Dares Awaken me from my slumber!"
Ha!
So true.
Have a great time with your mother and cut yourself some slack.
Hope you're having a great dinner with Mom. Mom's love being taken out to dinner. At least this mom does.
Hey I can relate, although my Grand Inquisitor probably isn't as foul-mouthed as yours. But the sentiment is often the same.
Seems there's a few of us out there that have this self-flaggelation trait. All we can do is try to be kinder to ourselves, huh?
That said, soy milk? Give that shit up! Do some Googling on that stuff, it ain't the 'wonder' health food its meant to be...
Hope you have a lovely dinner with your mom. Oh, and does your mobile phone have a reminder function? If so, stick birthdays in it. Failing that, your computer. Its the only way I ever remember such dates!
Yea, it seems like I either love myself or hate myself. At least I'm not bored. And I think that there's a lot more love these days...
My verification word is: monsad
monsad?
Anyway... Be well!
I don't know about you... but I think the Grand Inquisitor comes out from some ideology I absorbed that if I hurt myself it's GOOD. Which is weird since I wasn't raised Catholic, not even close. Plus it's easier than exploring the reasons underneath... not that there a deep reason for spilling soy milk anyhow...
My father had a tendency to be brutally self-criticizing. I always thought it a joke until one of my sisters pointed it out.
As for Mr. Dylan -- when I heard Love & Theft at a bookstore on 9/12/2001, i knew we were gonna be all right, at least the rest of us millions who survived.
Care to trade inquisitors? Mine was a sailor and is of the opinion that nothing, no vocabulary in context is foul. He's an asshole but he is mine.
1) I love soy milk. F it.
2) I once wrote a story in which I made one of my inner critical voices into another person. My entire family promptly concluded that my real life boyfriend was mentally and verbally abusive. No joke.
I think this type of self-deprecation is pretty normal. At least for me. :)
The foul mouthed grand inquisitor's over at your place? But I didn't give him the day off! Seriously, I thought that bastard had a full time job with me. Have a fabulous birthday dinner and spoil your mum and yourself rotton :)
Why is it that men seem to "blow it" with cool chicks that want to get to know them better?
Story of my life. So, I guess it's me.
Happy Birthday to your mom! What I wonder is...why do people look over the truly nasty and nitpick on irrelevant issues?
Ah well, as Prabhupada always said, "Think nothing of it."
Go easy on yourself.
hola Dr. Jay
i hope you had a good time with Mom Jay yesterday
and i totally understand your feeling of underachievement, i live it myself every day! i feel lazy and such a 'loser' when i don't blog or post my photographs (which i haven't done in months...) so i agree with somebody above who said to cut yourself some slack ;) heh heh, but NOT too much!
i feel that 'guilty' feeling is actually your drive to be a creative person, and i think is actually a good thing you have it! otherwise you wouldn't write your great posts here or do anything for yourself... but then the trick i feel is to learn to give yourself some peace too, whenever i decide i will be completely lazy, i try to forget the guilty feelings and truly enjoy my laziness, remember? many years ago we didn't have the web! and now at least once weekly you do are leaving an antecedent
enjoy your times of productivity and when you are lazy, enjoy it without guilt too, Rome and blogs weren't built in one day...
a bad decision, or crying over spilt soy-milk, is the fulcrum on which we enjoy the teeter-totter ride of our lives.
But.
You will write about the birthday dinner with your mom, won't you?
Hi drjay...I happened to be with my mom when I first read this, on the day you wrote it... I hope you and your mom had a really nice time together.
I beat myself up most about beating up on others, in my head, of course. And I think I deserve a beating for that. In my own defense, the rants aren't baseless, but again, that's in my head too, so who knows. Ugh.
I think we are all much harder (I know that is not a real word in the dictionary) on ourselves than anyone else is.
Where do you get such fabulous art pics on your blog post all the time?
Yup, we is always harder on ourselves than on others. My shoulder sitter knows swear words I didn't even know I knew! Enjoy the dinner out with Mum.
Any guy who is such a sweetie as to take their Mom out for dinner doesn't deserve a FMGI. Pull the plug on him I say!
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