been thinking about
thinking about thinking, and
winter’s coming soon
...Massachusetts was a lot colder than Philly’s been so far this fall...saw some white on the mountaintops driving in, as well as remains of a snowman...or snowperson...snowbeing...on Kripalu’s back deck....still, had to get out and take a brisk hike down through that chilly air to the lake as soon as I arrived...causing already irritated early November sinus passages to just about scream...
...was surprised the next day to hear somebody mention his head had been hurting all morning...somehow, it never occurred to me that I might not be the only person in the entire place with a headache...
...y’know...when yer in a totally mellow spiritual holistic type setting like that, ya just tend to assume that everybody else is positively blanketed in wellness and good feeling...at least I do....then, I also tend to think I’m the only person in the yoga class thinking about lunch instead of fully inhabiting whatever asana experience we’re supposed to be having...the only person at the party feeling lonely and out of place...the only person on the sidewalk lost in worry instead of striding purposefully toward success success success...
...of course the irony is that I’m anything but alone in feeling that way...and the same goes for all of our headaches, our awkwardness, our doubts....and, certainly, if there's one thing we're never, ever truly alone in, it's our loneliness...
thinking about thinking, and
winter’s coming soon
...Massachusetts was a lot colder than Philly’s been so far this fall...saw some white on the mountaintops driving in, as well as remains of a snowman...or snowperson...snowbeing...on Kripalu’s back deck....still, had to get out and take a brisk hike down through that chilly air to the lake as soon as I arrived...causing already irritated early November sinus passages to just about scream...
...was surprised the next day to hear somebody mention his head had been hurting all morning...somehow, it never occurred to me that I might not be the only person in the entire place with a headache...
...y’know...when yer in a totally mellow spiritual holistic type setting like that, ya just tend to assume that everybody else is positively blanketed in wellness and good feeling...at least I do....then, I also tend to think I’m the only person in the yoga class thinking about lunch instead of fully inhabiting whatever asana experience we’re supposed to be having...the only person at the party feeling lonely and out of place...the only person on the sidewalk lost in worry instead of striding purposefully toward success success success...
...of course the irony is that I’m anything but alone in feeling that way...and the same goes for all of our headaches, our awkwardness, our doubts....and, certainly, if there's one thing we're never, ever truly alone in, it's our loneliness...
17 comments:
Jay! You were in Massachusetts! I would have loved to have had you over for dinner or lunch! Shame on you for not letting me know.
This was a melancholy post--and I thought your statement about how we are never really alone in our loneliness was quite profound.
Melinda
alone
all one
a great ending!
It's very easy to forget that you're never the only one...and good to be reminded.
Listen to the Hank Williams song I posted today, all about loneliness...(GMTA)
Fabulous post.
A nice reminder.
so true.
I think about lunch all the time... or music... depends on the yoga-day.
the only thing we are ever forced to face humanly alone is our personal death. No living human can walk through that door with us, other than that solitude is a choice.
Ahh. So true...yet so elusive.
Nice to greet your space here.
Peace.
I really like the painting. Nice.
Thanks for the inspiration, Jay! Somehow it is heartwarming to hear that I am not alone in my aloneness.
I also thought the painting was beautiful and so appropriate to your comments. I also loved the part about not being alone in your loneliness. Being alone and unloved is my greatest fear. . .and I think I share that with everyone one way or another.
Still...there IS "real" loneliness. I've been there. I don't recommend it. I learned (the hard way,) that a person can't live effectively w/o some kind of interaction; human, natural or what have you.
Reminds me of my favorite Sartre line, "We all dance alone." Sort of how that one horrible day in 11th grade physics, you learn that no matter how close you get to someone, you're never really touching.
Oh Jay, you have no idea how cold it gets here! I'm from Philadelphia, live here in NH for 10 years now...last year one morning it was 17 below O...talk about headache!
but it's true, we tend to all walk around assuming whether at blissed out Kripalu or walking down the street that we're the only one having pain, or not truly present (thinking about lunch, dinner, tomorrow's breakfast, anything but what's happening right now!) that's our natural human inclination...so separate ourselves in this way...but as a yogi you know we are all just part of the same breath, so how could the person next to you (me) not have their own visions dancing in their head? It is grace...truly grace for the brief moments when we are truly present to what is...even if what IS is a headache or hunger.
namaste,
Laura
ah, that trap of terminal uniqueness! Great post Jay; thanks for exposing your very human inner workings so we can see ourselves more clearly. I really hope you've found relief - head aches really can put a damper on everything.
god, this was a great post. You are more succinctly profound than any blogger I read.
hard time for me to practice ahstanga, i like your grey colour
I have felt physical pain, but nothing compared to the agony of percieved loneliness--but that's what it is, a perception.
Post a Comment