Saturday, January 9, 2010

Idyll with Static


...my head, lately, seems jammed...awash in static...
interference...like I’m caught between frequencies....not the low crackling heard on long drives, out in the country...barely more disturbing than white noise, indicative of a relative calm in the realm of electric current...more like deep metropolitan dissonance...the loud cacophony of signals reducing particular subject matter to a thick grey noise...occasional bursts tantalizingly reminiscent of clarity disappearing as rapidly as they emerge...consciousness following, finding itself only more lost in the dense sticky fog...

...makes that mindfulness thing difficult...

kpmo,otcje;;
bwcwevyt BTRGUBFQURGVIRG XGWWAW bs dRDEWW UBRGW
Bnw=======iranMW
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...always usedta to spend time in yoga class longing for the day when it’d get easy...all the good parts...the cool mellow feelings...dance-like sensations...trippy intervals...without those sore, sweaty moments when I forget about all that and wonder why the hell I subject myself to this....then, one day, went to this class where just about everybody was either a senior citizen or significantly overweight...or both...and, we lifted knees...put hands in the air...bent over, as best we could....and, all in all, it wasn’t a bad way to spend the hour...in fact, it left me perfectly warmed up...rarin’ to practice some yoga...but it was over...and I realized I don’t actually like easy...

A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
William James

...two weeks after the bike accident, the orthopedist looked at x-rays...said the pieces of my first and second metacarpals were moving further apart, rather than back together...then asked, quite nonchalantly, got any plans for tomorrow?....and I had to admire the dry sense of humor of someone who could let me know in such a clever, off hand way that she needed to perform surgery on me as soon as possible....I asked if, once the surgery was done, and my hand healed, I’d be able to play the violin...she, without missing a beat, responded could you play the violin before you broke it?....which was good...don’t know how much confidence I’d have in a surgeon who’d fall for a line like that...

17 comments:

Ed T. said...

dude , i totally relate, check out a book by Marie Buchanan called "Anima" 1972 it will blow your mind...

the walking man said...

Stuck between the dissonance noise and a doctor without a sense of understanding humor, i would opt for a hand that could not play the violin and turn the radio off.

sukipoet said...

Interesting reflections abt yoga class. I now, at age 64, do like "easy."(not too easy though) I practice Svaroopa style, with props now although I began w/ Bikrams and Iyengar many years ago. Not sure i ever really experienced pain per se though even then. (I felt more pain from meditating for hours actually) The thing for me about the "gentler" yoga I practice now is that I can hold my poses longer, go deeper, open more.

Hope your scatteredness comes to rest in peace. another benefit to me of the yoga is often when I feel uncentered, an hour of home practice brings me back into the common sense, dancing mode. love that quote. be well, Suki

WR said...

Did you ask her how long before you could keyboard?

Muscles like work. So does the mind...so restless or chaotic it sounds as though the path you are on is the one you should be on...

Brooks Hall said...

Stay with it, Dr. Jay! That could be the Good Stuff. The confusion and static are truthful. Don't wish it away, I say.

The desire to have things resolved and finished is a desire toward death. Choose the lively confusion. It might feel like too much sometimes, but it's not.

It is incredibly mindful to be present for your confusion--it's the sight of potential miracles, I think.

Yours in Confusion,
Brooks

Lana Gramlich said...

I like your Dr. already.
Do you know who did that painting up top? It's really cool. I'd be interesting in seeing more of their work.

earthtoholly said...

Bike accident? What bike accident? I'm thinkin' hard here, and it happened a while back, right? I'd do a search, but no search box, drjay! Anyway, I hope the surgery was successful and your hand is okay now.

I hope, too, that your heady fog clears, if that's your wish, but I like Brooks' thoughts and think her words are wise ones. So maybe just go with the flow and enjoy the chaos? Wheee!

Eleanor said...

how refreshing to find a medical doctor with a sense of humour and who treats the whole person!

Linnea W said...

Your doc sounds funny! Happy new year.

Erik Donald France said...

"Deep metropolitan dissonance" -- I dig. Good luck with the op'

Bike spills are horrid. I've had two in cities, one in Philly that took many many weeks to heal, and another in Detroit. I don't ride anymore after a prof. acquaintance had a closed head injury. Now I shelter in gyms and work the ellipticals and the pool, hot tub, sauna. Like HSR, In a Roman Mood . . .

Eco Yogini said...

yep- i thought about "when does it get easy?"... and then i took an 'easier' class and was bored out of my tree.

i think my non-focused mind, or the fact that i despise slower 'yin' yogas is a sign of my infancy with meditation....

ya- i don't remember a bike accident... does that mean i'm a bad follower? WAIT A MINUTE. i just checked, i'm NOT following you??? WTF? how did THAT happen.

don't worry. i will remedy this atrocious situation immediately. need good karma.

Carol Anne Strange said...

I love the artwork! Pleased to meet you, Jay, and thanks for your comments on my blog. Wishing you well and hope 2010 is full of magical moments.

Kim said...

I definitely think you got the right surgeon.

Laura Hegfield said...

Like Brooks said...the static is likely the place you need to be right now...easy is nice, but not the goal...I find that not having a goal actually brings me ease. Just showing up and listening to the static and noting "hmmm, interesting...don't know what it means...that's ok". So observing pain is helpful too, like fear it tells us when we need to get the heck out of dodge and how much is too much, how much we are willing to tolerate before making a change of some kind. You are in a good place (even if it doesn't feel good)

Ryhen | Mind Power said...

"don’t know how much confidence I’d have in a surgeon who’d fall for a line like that..."

Hey doc! I love this line. Methinks this is the best part. Aum! Aum!

Hope your body heals soon.

Peace and respect,
Ryhen

lilasvb said...

i like to follow your page

Glennis said...

Very interesting and colourful painting.
Hope your soon healed.