Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Decaffeinated


Coffee is prana.
Patanjali*

Since every pleasure’s got an edge of pain,
Pay for your ticket and don’t complain...
Bob Dylan

It’s been a week since my last cup of coffee...and you were wondering why this blog’s been so quiet?**

...then, I’m probably quitting the whole yoga thing, anyway...been reading so much about how healthy it is...which is a problem, since I'm currently working on gettin' me a new health insurance plan...and...unlike most people, who end up paying far more than they ever get back...making the insurance industry so profitable it buys senators and congressmen like yoga folk buy expensive crap with Om symbols on it...I wanna profit from the arrangement...

...so, from here on, my health is the insurance company’s problem...no more yoga, no more meditation, no more fruits and vegetables...organic or otherwise...no more biking (except in busy traffic...without a helmet...preferably drunk)....might even change the name of this blog to Sitting in Front of the Tube Eating Ho-Ho’s, Smoking Cigarettes, Drinking Cheap Booze, Snorting Crystal Meth and Letting the Insurance Company Pick Up the Tab for Cynics...but, it occurs to me, that might be a tad redundant...


* yeah, I know, that’s not in your copy of the Yoga Sutras...that’s ‘cause it’s an exceptionally rare out-take, available only as part of the outrageously expensive digitally re-mastered limited edition Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras: the Complete Sessions deluxe boxed set...along with a few alternate takes (Sutra 1.1: “let’s party”) and the legendary, unexpurgated, Vedic Times interview with Patanjali...in which he admits he was joking about celibacy....***

** not to mention that this particular post is, let’s face it, not up to the usual quality standards...loose though they are...really not much more than an excuse for that cheesy Patanjali joke....I recommend skipping the rest and checking out my far more inspirational Thanksgiving post at Elephant Journal...or going back and reading that last one, which was pretty good: One Breath at a Time....namaste & all that...

*** wha??!!... You think I’d make this stuff up???!!!

11 comments:

Brenda P. said...

Oh, MY sutras are very pro-caffeine.

Claudia said...

HA HA HA, that was very funny!!! and I WANT a copy of those yoga sutras, pronto!

TheRiverWanders said...

I would certainly like a copy of Patanjali's Complete Sessions, but not boxed. I would like a download, please. And I definitely want to subscribe to the Ho-Ho eatin' blog.

Brooks Hall said...

I like the Ho Ho's and Ding Dongs Choice Insurance Plan!

berenice said...

oh Dr. Jay i can read that the caffeine really wired you!! happy angry health insurance hunt!!

for you & Brook, you can actually loose weight and get healthy on Twinkies!! goodness is following you around, you have NO escape heh heh

http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/11/08/twinkie.diet.professor/index.html

the walking man said...

Have some coffee in a dark bar with a couple shots of bourbon in it. By the fourth or fifth cup your insurance company will be paying you back in services for your premiums.

That sitting in front of the TV will only make you fat and I think you want a faster return on your investment.

LauraX said...

you sound so much my husband when he doesn't have coffee...powerful addiction! And DON'T get me started on our seriously broken health care system...as a chronically physically ill person ...Just thinking about it can shake up my strong, stable mental, emotional and spiritual health!!! YIKES...exhale and relax (that was for me...but you are welcome to join me!)

Happy Thanksgiving Dr Jay...don't forget to stop by my blog tomorrow for the unfolding of the fabulous Second Annual Mega Mobius Gratitude Quilt!!!! PRETTY awesome...the power of gratitude...even better than french dark roast to boost a persons energy and elevate their mood!!

earthtoholly said...

Hee. Funny stuff, drjay. I'd like to say that I'm glad you're gonna stick with the biking, but, on second thought...

I'm also looking for a new health plan...my premiums have almost tripled over the past few years, despite my pretty good "record." You're right, might as well live it up.

Continuing congrats on your caffeine abstinence!

WR said...

Howdy. Cynical about health insurance. I think you've joined a trend. And caffine free....hmmm wonder if you are to be trusted? It seems so unamerican. Not good for the heart I hear but does protect neurons from plagues and tangles or so many of the highly caffinated research docs in neurology are saying.

Always enjoy your blog.

Lydia said...

* = pretty darn funny, J.

Acharya Vikrmaditya said...

aahh.. i need to be careful with Yoga and Caffeine.