...I try not to be too hung up on authenticity...since, y’know, just because it’s authentically what some they did in some far away there in a long ago then doesn’t mean it’s good...but I do try to avoid the more obvious bullshit...
...recently took a long plane flight which dropped me into the Philly airport just in time for a forty-five minute wait for the last—12:09—train downtown, where I could wait more than half an hour for the last train going anywhere near home...standing around a series of platforms thinking about the dinner I never had...so, utilizing the few options at hand...and, no, no organic local fair trade vegan ayurvedic co-op produce was available...got a packet of cheese crackers and a peanut bar from a machine and a large McDonald’s fries...though I glanced at the new “healthy” items on the lit-up plastic menu...ultimately deciding that, if I’m gonna fool myself, I don’t wanna do it quite that blatantly...would rather have something authentically bad, without the pretense...
You have not grown old, and it is not too late
to dive into your increasing depths
where life calmly gives out its own secret.
Rainer Maria Rilke
...had a thought recently that I might feel perfectly okay about where I am in life if where I was in life were just twenty years younger...a twenty-five year old with a forty-five year old mind....so, apparently, I’ve got an issue with aging...and some people might say that’s not very yogic of me...and, most likely, start throwing out the standard positive affirmations about aging...(which might have a bit more truth-value if people didn’t feel the need to repeat ‘em so much)...except in the sense that being yogic means accepting and embracing rather than rejecting and repressing not just the feel-good shit but also whatever not-so-positive-feelings might arise, and all that goes with ‘em...and, y’know, in that sense, of course, it’s all yogic...
...music plays...some of it’s good...raspberries, mangoes, a little bit of kale, and ice make an excellent smoothie...and life doesn’t answer to my fondest fantasies...when was it ever any different?...
...recently took a long plane flight which dropped me into the Philly airport just in time for a forty-five minute wait for the last—12:09—train downtown, where I could wait more than half an hour for the last train going anywhere near home...standing around a series of platforms thinking about the dinner I never had...so, utilizing the few options at hand...and, no, no organic local fair trade vegan ayurvedic co-op produce was available...got a packet of cheese crackers and a peanut bar from a machine and a large McDonald’s fries...though I glanced at the new “healthy” items on the lit-up plastic menu...ultimately deciding that, if I’m gonna fool myself, I don’t wanna do it quite that blatantly...would rather have something authentically bad, without the pretense...
You have not grown old, and it is not too late
to dive into your increasing depths
where life calmly gives out its own secret.
Rainer Maria Rilke
...had a thought recently that I might feel perfectly okay about where I am in life if where I was in life were just twenty years younger...a twenty-five year old with a forty-five year old mind....so, apparently, I’ve got an issue with aging...and some people might say that’s not very yogic of me...and, most likely, start throwing out the standard positive affirmations about aging...(which might have a bit more truth-value if people didn’t feel the need to repeat ‘em so much)...except in the sense that being yogic means accepting and embracing rather than rejecting and repressing not just the feel-good shit but also whatever not-so-positive-feelings might arise, and all that goes with ‘em...and, y’know, in that sense, of course, it’s all yogic...
...music plays...some of it’s good...raspberries, mangoes, a little bit of kale, and ice make an excellent smoothie...and life doesn’t answer to my fondest fantasies...when was it ever any different?...
9 comments:
Exceptional honesty. Really hit home. And you're right - we have ALL the feelings, not just the good ones.
Totally agree, good read
Two good things about getting older
1) You find it easier to forget where you put your shit so your shit becomes less important
2) You're old, you can say whatever the hell you want to whomever the hell you want and if they don't like it what are they going to do beat up an old man...especially one with a 12 ga in his hands?
You went on a trip and then had a Peanut Block? I'm jealous!
W likes to *ahem* jokingly point out that "we've only got a good 20 or 30 years left..." (If you're ever feeling too "up," I'll send him over.) I'm pretty optimistic (oblivious?) so I tend to use those kinds of thoughts to put a fire under myself (gosh forbid I leave here without finishing one of my endless projects). Not sure if that's accepting or repressing...
Ooh...word verification: carma (which also happens to be a very high quality brand of chocolate!)
Appreciate the honesty here, let me tell you, you are not alone, which is the beauty of writting honesty, we can all see ourselves... Ever since I heard that Uddhyana and nauli performed before class stops aging I do it religiously... I have an issue too, well, actually I have LOTS of issues, that is just one hee hee
Oh, and if any consolation, yoga does help, in last sundays' post I linked to a blog with a picture of an ashtangi asking "how old do you think he is", many people gave him 40 max, he is... almost 50...
Oh my. My comment, "(If you're ever feeling too..." sounds snarky, but wasn't meant to. Shoulda put a "haha" on the end of that. :o/
As I get older I just keep messing with my hair. It works for me. I'll also take fries since when I sin, I like to sin big. There is no half-assedness, as that's lazy. Though lazy is good too. I know nothing.
I'm old and I think I'm aging graciously but who can really say asif I'm not totally convinced of that myself? Some of my freinds are already gone, prematurely bu they are departed nevertheless. Perhaps what we had to look forward to is growing up enough to forget about aging but hey, I'm a work in progress, syffering from fibro fog.
I empathize with some of what you are saying, and I say it's okay to move forward right from where you are and not from where you were 20 years ago.
I can't go back to my 20's (and don't want to) so I have to wrestle with the beast I am now. Or maybe just take better care of her.
And isn't aging better than the alternative?
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