Saturday, November 15, 2008

I Hate the Internet

Is it ridiculous to give a blog post a title like that? Probably. Then, it’s not even close to the most ridiculous thing that’s been written here. Seriously. Check the archives if ya don’t believe me. (The most votes, currently, seem to be for that comment last time about women not...y’know...until they’re in their 40’s. But I read about that...really...).

There was this Calvin & Hobbes comic strip a long time ago (yeah, that modern American version of “a long time ago”—we’re not exactly talking the Mesozoic era here, or even the pyramids...more like six or seven Madonna CD’s ago) where Calvin’s reading something and asking Hobbes what he thinks “religion is the opiate of the masses” means. In the next panel there’s a T.V. set with a thought balloon that says: “It means Karl Marx hadn’t seen anything yet,” or something like that (new motto: Yoga for Cynics: Where Sources Are Not Checked For Fear I Might Be Remembering Them Wrong). Right now, there’s a thought balloon hovering over my computer (yes, I am a cartoon character). It says: “Bill Watterson hadn’t seen anything, yet, either.”

I need to cut down on my time on-line, seriously. I mean, the election worked as an excuse for a while there but, much as I like to frighten myself thinking 2012 is only four years away (which, in actual fact, it is)...I need to clean my kitchen...seriously, it’s disgusting in there...no matter how many important novelists have rhapsodized about cockroaches...and do something about my deficit spending (not in the same galaxy as the Federal Government’s, but a perfectly valid source of nervous anxiety, nonetheless—the center cannot hold, mere chaos is unleashed on the world, the worst are full of passionate intensity while the best lack all conviction, all that kinda shit)...buy new shoes...find a girlfriend (preferably one who’ll like me even if I don’t buy new shoes)...get new glasses, since, let's face it, after all the times they've been crammed into my tiny bicycle saddlebag in the rain, there’s no way anybody’s gonna be able to effectively cleanse those cheap plastic doors of perception; they've gotta be replaced..finish this damn blog post.......

19 comments:

Mark said...

If you checked your backlinks, you'd find that you had joined fairly august company on my tumblr of good quotes. That's right. I commonplaced something you wrote. And it wasn't even ridiculous.

Lana Gramlich said...

Fret not! Go have a life. The internet is a great tool, but it can be as much as a "real life" sucker as TV. Just let us know how you're doing now & again. ;)

kouji said...

ah. :) get ready for some internet withdrawal. :O

Amanda said...

I know how you're feeling, Dr Jay. I seriously do.

I gave up my night cap of port a few weeks back. I ran out one night and I 'needed' it. I thought 'uh oh'. And stopped drinking it.

I think I need to do the same with the net.

I'm going on a two-week yoga intensive next Saturday. That might just do the trick...

Or I could try for 40 books this year.

Aggie said...

Oh dear ... just when I find a blog that makes me laugh out loud. They are very rare you know. But of course finding a g/f (preferably one that found herself much earlier than 40) and having a clean kitchen, new shoes and glasses is hugely important too. I'm just not sure where the 2nd coming is in all of that lot ... but hey, if it happens, it happens!

JD from Hoeno said...

Yeah, I'm really with it, myself. I thought Calvin and Hobbs was still going strong. They did that movie 'Fight Club' last year or so...

Me-Me King said...

Why? What's wrong with your shoes?

Seeing Eye Chick said...

If you find, real live people who will actually talk to you, without the internet, let me know where they are.

I havent seen any of those in a long time. Good luck on your Quest!

svasti said...

I can't hate the internet, its part of my job to know what the fuck people are doing on teh intertubes... That said, I've had my ups and downs (read obsessions and repulsions) with my internet usage. And yeah... its easy to feel like you don't have a life.

Tho, its easy to not have a life anyway... just go and live with your parents for a while in Suburbia-Urbia. That outta do it!

But, what's all this about hating an inanimate object that can't suck your time unless you let it? It aint the internet's fault if you spend half your day sitting in front of a cold glowing screen like some sort of inanimate art installation...

As I type, I'm picking my innards up off the floor & trying to piece myself back together but I'm grateful to the wonderous magic of the 'net' - [can you remember in the early 90's when people used to call it that? Shudder...] - if only because its allowed me a place to vent in private and with anonymity.

And please don't quit Twitter - give up one of your other online habits... So stop surfing porn so much already!!

Janet said...

is it not a truly love/hate relationship we have with these tubes? I could be outside right now catching some of those beautiful first clumpy snow flakes on my tongue, but no, I'm just sitting here watching them from the window while I am entertained by your blog.

RBV said...

Now you understand some of my absences. The internet will still be here. I suggest having a lot of sex to compensate for the withdrawal pains.

14theroad said...

"Cheap plastic doors of perception" That's poetry damn it!
My vote is that you stick with the crack-net; the madness you feel clearly inspires you -- that or the strong coffee they serve at High Point.

Spiritual Blogger said...

Dude, you are going to splash me with acid for saying this (and I think you already have - its hard to tell with you?) but why are you spending so much time on the net if you hate it?

You are not going to get arrested if you smile. If you are miserable it's only because you want to be.

*Duck*

hatingtherain said...

I see what you mean! Haha!

FANCY said...

Com'n over and pic up your award in my place ;)))))

FANCY said...

Respond
Yoga!!!!

No the link don't work in the post - but - if you look and take tour on my site you see that everyone have links to there pages and most of them have clicked to be a follower. so may I suggest that you click and be my stalker and other can touch your avatar and stalk you to in hmmmm...a good way ...would not that be nice...*LOL*

Grumpus said...

What's the movie that picture is from? The razor blade/eye? Something bad is about to happen!

They showed us that movie in university! I don't remember why they inflicted that item upon us!!! WHY?? (It was a damned useless Communications thing I was coasting through - "Media and Audiences.")
Those days were such a blur of confusion. This movie scared me.

Oh, and the Internet. It does suck. Unprecedented tool of human communication my arse.

Now, time to blog about hot dogs...

Bird said...

I have just spent two days straight fixing up my site and I mean two days, just sitting in front of the damn computer and today I plan to RUN ABOUT in the local park, eat heaped up plates of yummy gratuitous junk and then do some sewing (yes, I find sewing fun). Maybe I'll put on some loud trashy worthless music and dance around like a fool as well. That's the kind of stuff you can do when not glued to a computer, and I intend to do it aaalllll... after I've typed out this comment of course.

Honestly, my shoulder aches from typing. Maybe I should take up Yoga. Lovely to see you over at my place by the way :)

L. Venkata Subramaniam said...

ha ha you are using the internet to say that you hate it. Could you have used any other medium and sent the same message to me.

Hey did you know that the average potato in the US travels about 1600 miles before it reaches your home. Ha ha see now I am sending you information that I could not have sent you by any other means.