[note: The Other People, part one...a new, updated, improved edition, actually...kinda like a director’s cut...is at Elephant Journal...and reading this one without also reading that would be, y’know, like watching the Empire Strikes Back when ya haven’t seen Star Wars...or something...]
...self-hatred has been kind of an issue...made particularly difficult by the fact that, if you want outside support for self-hatred...that classic what other people think or would think if they knew kinda evidence for whatever might appear to be wrong with you...it’s never really hard to find...
...won’t you recognize us? We’re everything you hate...
Lou Reed
...some women hate men...and there are a whole lotta men who hate women...(have inscribed it into the belief systems of most cultures, no less)...then, whatever your gender, culture, race, nationality, religion and political views or lack thereof, there are, when ya get right down to it, a whole buncha people in the world who hate you for it...for what you have or don’t have...for what you believe or don’t believe...think or don’t think...who you love or don’t love...whatever you do or don’t do...for fitting certain definitions of ugly...though fitting too neatly into certain categories of beauty might make them hate you even more...
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
William James
...practicing yoga, it’s said, can make a person less hateful, more at peace with the world...but it doesn’t always work out that way...and certainly doesn’t stop some people from hating yogis for being self-righteous, pretentious, flaky, empty-headed, wishy-washy, uptight, stupid, new-agey, out there, nuts, irritating, shallow followers of popular trends, mindless guru-worshippers, or frickin’ dirty hippies...spiritual tourists, arrogant unthinking western imperialist appropriators and colonizers of indigenous traditions, freaks, religious fanatics, granola nazis, demonic pagans, or godless heathens...creepy horny dudes who go to yoga classes to pick up women*, yoga faggots**, people who’ve obviously done way too much acid*** and/or are headed straight for eternal damnation...
...they hated me, they will hate you...
Sinead O'Connor
...some people will hate you for hating...or for not hating...or for hating the wrong people...or, no doubt, for hating the right people, but in the wrong way...some people hate themselves so much it's nearly impossible not to hate everybody they see...and, even more, to hate those they don't see....perhaps it says something about human beings’ boundless creative capacity that we can come up with so many reasons to hate other people...and maybe even more to hate ourselves...(if only because we have so much inside information to work with)...(though, in the end, I suspect it’s all the same thing)...
...(not to say it isn't sometimes a good thing to listen to criticism, or to critically assess oneself)...(now and then, if somebody thinks you’re an asshole, it could be because you’ve provided a really good reason)...
...(but...if you’re waiting for the whole world to think you’re okay to feel okay about yourself, you probably shouldn’t hold your breath)...
* the author has been suspected of this...
** and called this...
*** no comment...
...self-hatred has been kind of an issue...made particularly difficult by the fact that, if you want outside support for self-hatred...that classic what other people think or would think if they knew kinda evidence for whatever might appear to be wrong with you...it’s never really hard to find...
...won’t you recognize us? We’re everything you hate...
Lou Reed
...some women hate men...and there are a whole lotta men who hate women...(have inscribed it into the belief systems of most cultures, no less)...then, whatever your gender, culture, race, nationality, religion and political views or lack thereof, there are, when ya get right down to it, a whole buncha people in the world who hate you for it...for what you have or don’t have...for what you believe or don’t believe...think or don’t think...who you love or don’t love...whatever you do or don’t do...for fitting certain definitions of ugly...though fitting too neatly into certain categories of beauty might make them hate you even more...
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
William James
...practicing yoga, it’s said, can make a person less hateful, more at peace with the world...but it doesn’t always work out that way...and certainly doesn’t stop some people from hating yogis for being self-righteous, pretentious, flaky, empty-headed, wishy-washy, uptight, stupid, new-agey, out there, nuts, irritating, shallow followers of popular trends, mindless guru-worshippers, or frickin’ dirty hippies...spiritual tourists, arrogant unthinking western imperialist appropriators and colonizers of indigenous traditions, freaks, religious fanatics, granola nazis, demonic pagans, or godless heathens...creepy horny dudes who go to yoga classes to pick up women*, yoga faggots**, people who’ve obviously done way too much acid*** and/or are headed straight for eternal damnation...
...they hated me, they will hate you...
Sinead O'Connor
...some people will hate you for hating...or for not hating...or for hating the wrong people...or, no doubt, for hating the right people, but in the wrong way...some people hate themselves so much it's nearly impossible not to hate everybody they see...and, even more, to hate those they don't see....perhaps it says something about human beings’ boundless creative capacity that we can come up with so many reasons to hate other people...and maybe even more to hate ourselves...(if only because we have so much inside information to work with)...(though, in the end, I suspect it’s all the same thing)...
...(not to say it isn't sometimes a good thing to listen to criticism, or to critically assess oneself)...(now and then, if somebody thinks you’re an asshole, it could be because you’ve provided a really good reason)...
...(but...if you’re waiting for the whole world to think you’re okay to feel okay about yourself, you probably shouldn’t hold your breath)...
* the author has been suspected of this...
** and called this...
*** no comment...
14 comments:
not holding my breath
- ironically - i was just making fun of yogis today - as someone who loves yoga - but also as someone who loves to make fun of stuff i love - so - sometimes loving something means you get to love it to the point of strong dislike - (my mom wouldn't let us use the word "hate" on each other - & she was far from being a yogi)
But psychological projection can be organismic! Just turn on the tee vee and see how much famous people hate themselves by marketing that hatred as belonging to others.
As for mindful self hatred, my philosophy is: "Stop Punishing Yourself."
Whatever it is you feel guilty for, or bad about, or fell short of, it is probably not important enough to flagelate yourself over, for eternity.
I say that because eventually you will get tired of beating yourself up, and start targeting others, even though really when you beat them, you are still beating yourself.
holy crap. i have never thought about it that way.
and now i feel a bit disillusioned. and sad.
i like to think that regarding my beliefs, there are probably a whole lot of people out there who will be praying for my soul... as they believe i'm going to Hell. which really, i like to think of as a nicer explanation than they hate me. I would be pretty upset or disgruntled if i believed in such a place as hell (which i don't).
about people who seem to "hate", i always viewed that kind of attitude as insecurity and fear. and as a result, these people are not happy, nor well adjusted. which is something that is sad for them.
real, irrational hate... i always thought of as being more rare.
but at the same time, you're absolutely right- we can't wait for external approval. we have to be alright without ourselves first.
which is what those "haters" always miss.
This was a nice thing to read right after reading a bunch of tea party coverage. Great thoughts here. Was it Mother Theresa who said you can't love someone if you're too busy judging them?
Also, the star-bellied sneetches are the most underrated of all Seuss characters. I loved them so much in college I came *this close* to getting a star tattooed on my belly. I probably should have.
Jamie: I don't think it's ever too late...
My comment:
It's true... And I am someone who, for a long time, really wanted everyone to like me--as if that was a reasonable perspective, which it's not.
Also, the changed illustration is so great, and seems to illustrate a river of hate.
In a similar but slightly different vein, I'm reminded of a lyric by Jewel; "People living their lives for you on TV, they say they're better than you & you agree."
Wow, that's quite an impressive list of why people hate yoga people--self-righteous, pretentious, flaky, empty-headed, wishy-washy, uptight, stupid, new-agey, out there, nuts, irritating, etc., etc.
Did that just come out in a torrent or did you have to keep a piece of scrap paper on the kitchen counter and just write it down whenever you thought of one. (I'm interested in the writer's craft.)
Well done, Jay.
Bob Weisenberg
YogaDemystified.com
"O, d-d-dear!"
Yep. Our favorite universal pasttime--successfully used and manipulated by countless political groups. Maybe HATE is our human default emotion. LOVE is like pushing that boulder up the hill every freakin' day...
Greetings Dr. J. Inhaling with Exhaling...seems to make sense doesn't it! As always, excellent writing and insight.
When I was young and unaware I generated hatred. Now that I am old and aware when I find myself doing that I take my little girl by the hand and enter my secret garden where we can walk and talk about whatever it is she fears, so much that she projects hatred into the universe, rather than love.
It's not likely that I will become "hate-free" in this life nor that everyone will love me. I'm on the pathway most days but now and then I do find myself in the ditch.
My two-year-old is on a big Hate kick right now--often directed at the seemingly unhateful: the wrong color crayon, a yellow sock, a book we read yesterday. He does like, but I don't hear love that much.
Maybe it's the easiest emotion deal with for the All-Id crowd. Not so messy and faceted...
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