Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The Paris Hilton of Yoga?


...couple posts ago, made some joking remarks about yoga teachers...specifically involving stuff like the inaudibly soft, ultra-spiritual yoga teacher voice....and, as a long-time believer that, if it’s worth saying at all, it’s worth beating into the ground, have been repeating said jokes all over the place....to the point that I think I may be giving some of my (amazing, wonderful, beloved) teachers complexes.....so, to any who might be reading this, let me make it clear...the jokes aren’t about you..........they’re about those high-falutin’ yoga teachers who write for Elephant Journal...

........just kidding, people...jeezus, aren’t you all supposed to have transcended your egos by now?...

...seriously, I've been going to Facebook lately and finding I'm in demand as a yogi...really...my yoga teacher friends are sending me personal requests to go to their classes...including one that’s supposed to be videotaped for some kind anusara certification or something...(and not, I’ve been assured for World’s Funniest Yoga Bloopers on youtube)...

...not that this is interfering with my totally enlightened egoless state or anything, but it does raise all kindsa pertinent questions...like...could such desirability indicate that the mere presence of the friendly neighborhood yoga cynic now carries such cachet as to confer status and set the yoga world buzzing?...kinda like the way Paris Hilton, I read some time ago, was getting paid fifty thousand bucks just to show up at parties?...could I be the Paris Hilton of yoga?...

...(y’know, like, except for the fifty grand part...but I’m workin’ on that...see below)...

...for all you yoga teachers out there...


FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY!!!!

You can have ****ME**** doing sun salutations in your very own yoga class!

* Wearing a (mostly) clean t-shirt!

* Large shorts revealing nothing anybody doesn’t wanna see!

* No snoring in savasana, inappropriate groaning during forward bends, or rolling eyeballs if you start going on about your guru!

* Providing the low end, often badly needed in today’s predominantly female yoga classes, on OM! (Or, if you prefer, AUM)!

Just $49,999.99* if you act now!

* additional discounts negotiable**

** seriously, we’ll take anything...

Art is anything you can get away with.
Marshall McLuhan

12 comments:

Bob Weisenberg said...

Yes, completely. You can be famous for being famous.

Kavindra said...

In your list of satisfaction guaranteed-s, I notice there's no mention about not farting. Is that included, or will it cost extra?

the walking man said...

What cost? Enlightenment? how about 5 bucks and a cup of coffee. But you have to pay your own way to Detroit.

Grace said...

If the world is crazy enough to pay you 50 grand to show up at a party, who are you to say no! (I used to work for a guy who got paid 30 grand to do speaking engagements, so you know, it is possible).

WR said...

I particularly like the comparison to Paris Hilton. With PH as the frame of reference, 49K seems okay in that wierd kind of Hollywood way of being.

rebelseo said...

WOW 49K is to much for just like me taking up such Yoga for Beginners class.

earthtoholly said...

Well, shux, drjay. I'm no yoga teacher, but I sure would love to have you do sun salutations in our front yard where our oak tree used to be. Dirty tee and biggie shorts are welcome...or not. (I don't think the squirrels and chipmunks would care either way!)

May your special appearances eventually bring you $$$, 'cause even yogis gotta eat, right?

LauraX said...

how does one respond to an egoless man who is of such great importance... do we need to call you HH the Cynical Yogi? Well, you know you are always welcome to come practice in my living room...forgettabouta studio, mister bigshot! 3 hours from Kripalu...not that far.

Lydia said...

Methinks my Highly Prestigious, Karmically Significant and Not at All Tacky Yoga for Cynics Floating Glowing Being of Pure Love Award is becoming priceless. Or better yet, worth some bucks. :)

Cathy said...

What a treat to find Yoga for Cynics...would love to follow you on Twitter. Might help you make that $50G

Buy Exchange said...

Wow! that sounds good! Yoga for cynics i liked it! i guess am one of them too :P

Mica said...

This post literally made me laugh out loud.
Feel free to join us in Canada for a dirty T yoga class. Unfortunately all I can repay you with is Molson beer to supplement your cynical yogi diet.
"transcended your egos by now"...priceless