Saturday, May 29, 2010

There's a Place...


...in a dream was traveling somewhere...at first, some kind of urban square at night...people sitting around a fountain...someone offering something...enticing, yet unnerving, dangerous...declined...but not without regret...

...moving on to a trail...apparently, at first, a high desert canyon I know in Arizona, but heavily wooded, and crowded...like that hill in Gettysburg, overlooking the valley where the worst fighting took place in 1863...gallons of blood shed in trying to get to where we stood looking at historical markers...but also still the Wet Beaver Wilderness...(no, not a dirty joke...one of my favorite places in the southwest...about fifty miles south of Flagstaff, twenty east of Sedona)...and a group of people were getting off onto a rough side trail into woods so tangled you wouldn’t think there’d be a trail there at all...voices shouting about how rough it looked ahead...

...continuing along the gentler path, alone, and around the next bend, a line of gigantic rock formations rising up above the trees, amber yellow pillars, like sandstone...but more solid-seeming, strangely geometric, like something Picasso might sculpt if he was a god and feeling particularly cheerful that day...bright beneath a clear cerulean sky....in the valley below, a stunningly crisp multicolored lushness surrounding the broad stream...maybe a river...but a quiet, shimmering blue...cool and slow...flat, glimmering stepping stones arrayed across the water...

...standing on one of those flat stones, struck, in the dream, by the very existence of this place...that if I was down, in pain, depressed, I could come here...to its water, its rocks, its trees...its sublime clarity...

....turning and looking back the way I came, was surprised to see I was closer to civilization than I'd thought...but the buildings I could see back there at the head of the canyon were gorgeous, too, like some mythical Northern Italian hillside village....though it seemed the rock under me, maybe the entire landscape was moving, and there was a strange sound...the phone...a friend wanting to tell me about her new job and asking if I wanted to get lunch...which was only reasonable at nearly 11:30 in the morning...and, really, there are worse ways to wake up...




*note on the the title of this post: it comes from here*

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

If I Should Fall From Grace With God...


If I should fall from grace with God where no doctor can relieve me,
If I’m buried ‘neath the sod where the angels won’t receive me,
Let me go, boys, let me go, boys,
Let me go down in the mud where the rivers all run dry...

Shane MacGowan

...lemme just come right out and say it: I don’t feel like writing about yoga...not that it’s ever been the sole topic here, anyway...and, yeah, though I keep saying I'm gonna stop, I keep writing comments about it elsewhere...but they’re mostly just arguing against one viewpoint or other...and arguing comes easy...can do it in my sleep...which might explain why I don’t feel particularly rested most mornings...

...which is not to say I’m sick of yoga...it seems, in fact, like the one thing I’m passionate about, lately...when one class ends, can hardly wait ’til the next starts...on average, six days a week....but trying to wrap the mind around yoga, get a grip on all associated ideas, thoughts, theory, philosophy, beliefs, interpretations, traditions and innovations...bleah...

...to sum up: practicing yoga’s no problem...I’m just sick of thinking about it...

...just this past week or so, finally got to where I can hop up to a handstand consistently...though it’s been a long and difficult process...the body gets me there, but the mind panics half way up....so, really, I realize now, the trick isn’t maintaining control and being confident I won’t fall...but letting go the mind’s grip, being open to falling...

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Dreaming.....................


Dreams are true while they last, and do we not live in dreams?
Alfred Lord Tennyson

...was taking a walk, trying to figure out why I’m writing so little, lately...but mostly got lost in daydreams, as I have quite a lot, of late...which, I thought, might be exactly why I’m writing so little...


Dreams are like paper. They tear so easily...
Gilda Radner

...to really get down to it, there’s probably very little I’ve spent more of my life doing than daydreaming...if usually while also doing something else...find it’s difficult, otherwise...even if it’s easier than just about anything else....told somebody a few days ago that walking is my absolute favorite thing to do...and biking’s high on the list, as well...but both, really, along with kayaking, cross-country skiing, or driving on open road, are, more than anything, highly effective vehicles for daydreams...all involving simple motions...allowing lots of space to let the mind roam...


Reality leaves a lot to the imagination.
John Lennon

...daydreaming, as such, could be seen as the opposite of mindfulness...but, then, it also might be essential for creativity...

...art, maybe, is what happens when you’re mindful about your daydreaming...





*my latest at Elephant Journal: Dharma Cats*

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Better To Stay Silent Than To Write Crap


Don’t turn away. Keep your eye on the bandaged place. That’s where the light enters you.
Rumi

I knew a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
Johnny Carson

...better to stay silent than to write crap...
Ancient and Revered Yoga Cynic Sutra 45:931



*...until more inspiration hits, be sure to read and re-read my latest exposé: Elephant Journal: Not Affiliated With the Republican Party...namaste & all that shit...*

Friday, April 30, 2010

Yoga and Cigarettes


The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.
Carl Rogers

...there’s a yoga teacher who comes to the rehab one morning a week...8:15...I’ve never met her...other mornings, a few of the women practice on their own, in an outbuilding...I see them heading out with yoga mats and packs of smokes...time for yoga and cigarettes? I ask...they smile, say we have coffee, too...

...been trying for a while to get my mom to do yoga...it’s kinda turned into a routine...

mom: god, am I stiff...
me: yoga could help with that...
mom: grumble grumble grumble...

...stress that I’m not even talking about going to a class...with somebody at the front of the room telling everybody what to do...she’s 83 and can afford private sessions...pointed out that I know a buncha really great yoga teachers who could sit down with her, ask what she needs help with, and make suggestions...grumble grumble grumble...

...then, being difficult kinda runs in the family...and, truth be told, there are lots of reasons I practice yoga, but because other people think I should ain’t one of ‘em...

...Tara Brach talks about something called the trance of unworthiness...seeing everything through a lens of something’s wrong with me....at one point in Radical Acceptance, there’s a list of thirty or so questions...do I think I’m not _______ enough? Do I judge myself for _______? Do I think I’m too _____?...that kinda stuff.. and I winced while answering yes to pretty much everything but do I think I’m too skinny?...fortunately, there wasn’t one that said do I think I’m a complete idiot for trying to remove ice from the freezer with a knife?...that’d hit too close to home...a home that doesn’t currently have a functioning refrigerator...

We can’t honestly accept an experience unless we see clearly what we are accepting.
Tara Brach

...what it comes down to, I think, isn’t that we can’t or shouldn’t try to change anything...the future is unknown...and, to some extent, ours to shape...but it’s awfully hard to do that if we can’t look clearly, calmly, and compassionately at what's happening in the present...whether self loathing and damaged appliances, loved ones not putting as much effort into raging against the dying of the light as we’d like, or yoga with cigarettes...

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Springtime Ebbs and Flows...


April is the cruelest month...
T. S. Eliot

...or maybe it’s just me...
Ancient and Revered Yoga Cynic Sutra 126:97

...when spring first hit...felt an awful lot like summer...went out and overexerted myself, ending up exhausted, sore, and sunburned...banged up my knees after catching a bike wheel in an old trolley track that still exists, far as I can tell, for the sole purpose of catching bike wheels...

...more lately it’s been wetter and colder, if greener...been feeling uninspired...not writing much...apart from being virtually eco-conscious by revising, refurbishing and reincarnating old Yoga for Cynics posts*...

...do I understand your question man, is it hopeless and forlorn?
Bob Dylan (in as crappy a mood, apparently, as T. S. Eliot)

...then, perhaps it’s really all a matter of ebb & flow—old-school well-worn zen-like metaphor in progress—and the only trick is to realize it...meaning not just in the sense of hey, maybe it’s all just a matter of ebb & flow—think I’ll write something about that on my blog...but to really realize it...take it in...accept it...stop expecting the world to stand still long enough to make sense...

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Andre Gide

...but, maybe the not being able to believe in that...the suspecting it’s all bullshit...is simply part of that ebb...faith and doubt not pulling in a tug-o-war, but operating more smoothly in a kind of dialectic tide...unceasing movement avoiding the stagnation of self righteous surety, fanaticism and fundamentalism, as well as the dry sand of fatalism and despair...nothing definite...except that wherever ya end up, ya won’t be there for long...


*...like this one...about the haiku Allen Ginsberg wrote for me...which I then spilled something on...posted earlier today...

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Recycled Blogging for Earth Day


...the staff here was gonna come up with some brand new material for Earth Day...before thinking about just how just many blog posts are wastefully manufactured every day, only to end up in virtual landfills...

...so, instead, decided to root through the blue crate on the curb in front of the Yoga for Cynics corporate offices and, using approximately 90% post-consumer recycled blog material, craft an Earth Day piece for Elephant Journal...which has gotta be worth at least a couple carbon credits...so check it out...and, y'know, try not to mess up the earth too much...