Wednesday, January 14, 2009

EXCLUSIVE: The Yoga for Cynics Interview (yeah, I know...big whoop...)

The following is an *exclusive* interview with Yoga for Cynics, conducted by legendary blogger Kim with a K:

1. What is your favorite line from a song or book and why? Does it relate to a specific occurrence in your life?

...umm...dunno any quotes...except maybe George Harrison, show me that I’m everywhere, and get me home for tea...substitute coffee for tea and it’d sum up most occurrences described in this blog....okay, here’s a line from an actual book, even if it requires a hell of a lot of explanation...and, just to be a pain in the ass, I’m not even gonna reveal the name of the book or its author (and it’s really obscure, so there’s no way you’ll guess): basically, this runaway kid on a raft has to decide what to do about his friend, a runaway slave....as he's imbibed the official morality of his time and place, from which he's learned that stealing is a sin, and a slave is property, there’s only one moral course of action....but, alas, he simply cannot bring himself to do the right thing..."All right, then, I'll go to hell"....It was awful thoughts, and awful words, but they was said. And I let them stay said; and never thought no more about reforming. I shoved the whole thing out of my head; and said I would take up wickedness again, which was in my line, being brung up to it, and the other warn't. And for a starter, I would go to work and steal Jim out of slavery again; and if I could think up anything worse, I would do that, too; because as long as I was in, and in for good, I might as well go the whole hog....thus, ending up making the compassionate choice not because but in spite of what religion tells him is right....

2. You have to choose any person, living or dead, to write your biography. Who and why?

Probably a dog. They tend to see only the best in me.

3. Someone once said that destiny is a fickle bitch. Has this been true in your life and how?

I don’t believe in destiny. Then, that could be because I'm destined not to believe in it....

4. When was a time you realized that you were in over your head?

I’ve often felt that way about life in general...though, when put to the test, it generally turns out not to be the case...that I’m actually held down by a lousy self-image....

5. Were you one of the millions who hated adolescence (high school in particular) or did you enjoy it?

In all seriousness, and knowing exactly how politically incorrect and irresponsible such a statement is, I think getting into marijuana as a teenager probably saved my life...since getting high was at least one thing other than masturbation that gave me hope that happiness might still be possible when life seemed like one giant shit-hole of alienation and misery....yes, I know, responsible readers are thinking you should have gotten some professional help...to which I reply: no, thank you, that was part of the problem....there’s no better way to tell your kids that they’re fucked up than to stick them in therapy...and if you wanna tell them they’re hopelessly fucked up, put them in therapy multiple times a week, in addition to group therapy with kids who are really severely fucked up, so that every one of them will be like a mirror saying this is you...abandon all hope....
Disclaimer to any young & impressionable folk who might have read the above: anywhere drugs can take you, you can get to on your own, without the negative side effects....remember: your crappy school is not the world, and neither is your dysfunctional family....if they don’t like you for who you are, think you should be more like them, or won't let you be one of them, treat you like you’ll never live up to their standards...take it as a compliment, and consider yourself lucky that their limitations will never be yours, that you’ll never need their approval....namasmotherfuckingte....

Bonus: Can you name all five of the Great Lakes from east to west without looking at a map or any other resource?

Ontario, Erie, Michigan, Superior, Huron...[checking a map]...DOH!


Post-script: in response to a comment from Melinda, I've substituted "marijuana" for "drugs" in the first sentence of #5 above. While the remark may still be highly objectionable to many, I want to be clear that I'm not talking about the harder drugs. I am also not advocating use of marijuana, or any drug, as I hope is made clear. The only addictive behavior that is advocated by me or this blog is yoga...and maybe coffee....

18 comments:

Lydia said...

Great questions, so-so (great) answers.
Love your advice for the youngins...

Drowsey Monkey said...

Every post ... is like another layer of the onion gets peeled away.

Aggie said...

I begin to see why you are you ... lol!

the walking man said...

Right on the money, thanks for explaining and reminding me of that obscure portion of an obscure book.

Bird said...

I'm with the above ladies, on both counts. I've missed reading you...this reminds me why. Reading backwards through your blog, starting here.

Seeing Eye Chick said...

Drugs and Masturbation Saved me too--that and Random High Voltage Shocks.

Kim said...

Legendary!?!?!? I'm seriously blushing.

I knew I'd love your answers. I just knew it.

Lea said...

If that is Huckleberry Finn, does that mean I'm obscure for recognizing it?

earthtoholly said...

Holy cow, I could've sworn I left a comment earlier...guess it didn't take.

Anyways drjay, I agree with your disclaimer there, especially the last part. Anyone who truly cares about you and your well-being wouldn't make you put up with that crap. Or would they? Family is a strange thing...

I like your choice of a dog...they know the true you and love you anyway.

svasti said...

Whaddya mean you don't believe in destiny?

I mean, isn't it your destiny to one day work as a cabana boy? I'm sure I read that in my tea leaves just earlier today...

You're becoming ever braver m'darlin' and I'm nodding my head approvingly and encouragingly. :)

Melinda said...

Dr. Jay,

I have to say that I cringed when I read what you wrote about drugs saving your life as an adolescent! My feeling is that you are a rarity--so while your own experience is valid--and perhaps they *did* save your life (for example, if suicide would have been an alternative) but I know from experience that doing drugs takes WAY more lives than what they save.

Of course, I can only speak from my own experiences and the experiences of others I have been close to. I lost my own husband to drugs--so I know how quickly a young life can be snuffed out.

I hate to think that anyone might read what you wrote and think that drugs can give happiness--because I think you now know that drugs can only offer a temporary illusion of happiness--they are an insidious way of making you believe in that illusion, while quickly snuffing out one's soul as one becomes lost to them.

I think you might be stronger, psychologically, than many people. One thing I have learned is that just as some people are physically stronger, there are those who are psychologically stronger. You were able to find your way out of drug abuse (as I was) but so many people cannot--and end up in jail, in a hospital, or dead. Usually dead.

Melinda

Adria said...

You knocked question 5 outta the park!! Oh, man, i truly love you and think that you are better than therapy. You offer the best insight, at least for myself, personally, that I could ever want or need.
Thank so much for that.

A

Brunhilda said...

I love you for the answers to number two and number five. Great interview. Makes mine seem lame. I got the same meme.

Melinda said...

Dr. Jay--I am personally glad you made this change to the original post. I know (now) what you meant--and believe there is a huge distinction between marijuana (which I am a huge advocate of its medical use) and harder drugs. As you know, it is an issue that I am highly sensitive to :).

Melinda

Ruby Isabella said...

I'd be happy to write your biography for you. Us dogs usually see the best in people because we see the real person and not the act they put on. You can't lie to a dog.

This Brazen Teacher said...

Yoga-Man... if I taught High School instead of Elementary... I would assign your blog as supplemental reading.

melissa said...

I love the answer to number 5 too. Glad I finally read this.

Namasmotherfuckinte. Hehe. I am so going to find an excuse to say that out loud to someone.

Lana Gramlich said...

I love your answer for #2. Keep up the good work!